Sometimes the only thing we can do is to accept that we have nothing else to do except admitting whatever situation happens to us.
You are trapped in a storm. And yes, say to yourself you are trapped in a storm.
Never run from that fact. Never.
Take something, and fight it.
When you are definitely cornered, or you have drained your energy to even move your legs, go rest. Wait for the storm to pass. Coward eh? No, that’s not coward. That’s accepting the fact, the reality.
Accepting the reality is my newly found ninjutsu of life. Believe it or not, it sounds like a ninjutsu for cowards, but you might find it more useful than any other ninjutsu. Life forces us to keep fighting for our dreams, I know, but sometimes you have to turn into defense mode. Accept the reality.
So, here’s the story.
Blur is going to Indonesia, and about two or three months ago, I’ve been praying, hoping I was able to buy the ticket and watch them on 15th May. Can you see the calendar? By the time I’m writing this post, it’s already 6th May. Four more days and my wallet is still the same as it was two months ago. So, basically, I can’t see the concert. I have no other choice than seeing people’s tweets about how they can’t wait to see Blur.
Yes, I have to accept the reality that I can’t see Blur, or Graham Coxon. Selling my gadgets won’t worth it. Imagine losing what you have just to see some musician who doesn’t even know you’re exist.
Accept the reality. Okay? I move on with my life. Unable to see Blur in person doesn’t mean you’re gonna die anyway.
Accepting the reality.
The storm will pass. You’ll have yourself in peace again right after this Blur stuff ends.
Still there? Well, I actually have the second story. This is about me and a guy. Haha, same old story huh?
So, basically, I had a stupid crush on him, just because he changed into another form of guy who looked calmer and more mature. He used to stay only in my daydreams when I was just a teenage. Only in daydreams. He was always faraway. At that time, I was borrowing his gadget and when I gave it back to him, he smiled so nicely. I was glad. It was the nicest smile I’ve ever got from him. Well, I was just a teenage. I was too happy with my life. I had many friends and we were all having too much fun. Ain’t nobody got time for a smile from a random guy. Then I kept it a secret, pretending it didn’t happened.
Then he came back again out of the blue, when I had gotten out of my teenage phase. It wasn’t a simple come-back. He was breaking my balance into pieces, giving me the same smile he gave to me years ago (which I still remember). I was confused. Wait, I said, This isn’t the same ‘glad’ feeling. This is different. Please don’t smile. I can’t let you in. I’m already in a perfect balance. Why didn’t you come earlier?
He didn’t answer. He was also confused. Yes, I was already in a relationship with my current boyfriend. Of course I can’t let him in.Then he decided to leave.
The dream guy came into my life. Unfortunately in the wrong time. So, the ninjutsu was the only thing I could do.
Accepting the reality.
You don’t know how sad I was about this. But you know, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. I accept the reality. I move on with my life. Unable to have my dream guy doesn’t mean I’m gonna die anyway.
Use this formula, whenever you’re cornered into situation in which you have to accept whatever the fuck happens to you.
I ACCEPT THE REALITY. I MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE. UNABLE TO (fill in whatever match your situation) DOESN’T MEAN I’M GONNA DIE ANYWAY.
The storm will pass before you know it.
Good luck, everyone!
I actually never stop loving. Anyone, anybody. Bad memories are bad memories, but I can never erase the leftover, the good.
I was actually doing my college assignment and suddenly, I came across an old photo folder about a trip. Yes, that trip. It was a short trip a long time ago. I was involved in a memory between me and cute guy I used to have a crush on at that time. Well, maybe not “crush”, I was just a fan. I never imagined about having any closer relationship than just acquaintances, a girl and a random popular guy. Yep, like those movies.
He was always taking seat beside me, walking beside me, giving me the leftover of his snack and some simple acts that warmed my heart. Well, can you imagine? You’re a fan of a random guy, and he suddenly step into your life. What would you do? What would you feel?
I was not happy.
I was already in a relationship with a nice guy and everything turned into a total mess. I left myself brokenhearted, where I wasn’t supposed to be. I tried to calm my heart, “I didn’t have a crush on him. He talks too much, he acts like a little kid having PMS. Everything’s perfect already. Having him as my boyfriend will only add stresses to my life. Just because he has a nice set of smile doesn’t mean he has a nice set of attitude, isn’t it? I better leave.”
Then I left, completely. Like bye-bye.
Our last chat via internet, he said some set of words which implicitly said something about “Don’t ever come to see me again.”
At that time, my heart skipped a beat. But as you know, my heart is made of steel so I replied him with some jokes. He didn’t smile. He was angry.
I used to believe that the “broken-heart” thingy will stop right after you get a kindhearted boyfriend with a perfect attitude. The fact, it won’t. You will always face it. It’s like some test, consequence, price, that you have to pay for making decision. You decided to be your boyfriend’s partner for a lifetime, and every decision comes with tests. Did you decide well? Or it’s just a state of mind?
My message is:
Clear your mind, your situation, your everything, before you decide.
Once you take a step forward, you can never take a step back.
Never decide when you’re sad, in a rush, or in a turmoil. You’ll end up being so regretful about it. This works for everything, darling. Not just in a matter of relationship. Choosing a job, buying a house, spending money, saying yes to an offer, saying yes to a proposing guy, everything.
Well…life is all about decision. Life is all about stepping forward.
My brain isn’t an actual brain. It’s a morse code. It gives me pieces of code, pieces of message. It’s random. Very random. You can barely understand. Can you?
Goodnight, my little star.
I know you’ve been there for some lonely lonely hours, day after day..
Well, hang in there… I’m about to get up… wait up, a second or two..
People’s been telling me I’m not one of them. I’m alien.
When they were wearing sport shoes, I was wearing high heels and flats. Now when I get tired of dressing like a princess, presenting myself with running shoes and boots, they’re wearing high heels and flats.
I’ve never lived on earth. I’ve always been looking at the faraway milky way. I’ve never been in line with their minds. Either me or them, one is being brainwashed by society.
Have you ever heard about Mikey Way? He’s cute. A bit hipster tho, but cute.
Have you ever heard about Graham Coxon? He’s cute. A bit hipster tho, but cute.
Have you ever heard about Starbucks? It’s a coffee shop. A bit hipster tho, but it’s a coffee shop.
I’m actually hipster. I’m actually one of them mainstream followers. How can I be told I’m an alien? Starbucks doesn’t exist on Mars.
Today I watch telly, I feel very human. Then I met them, they said telly’s outdated. Really?
I grabbed an android tablet, it sang me an alien anthem. Till I was fully fueled. And the seconds after, I lost myself.
Hey, did you see my star? Where is it?
“That star is dead already!”
What a shame. I was about to decorate it. It’ll be as beautiful as the falling star in the night sky.
Wait, but falling star has already died. Sad, sad, beautifully dying. People of the earth says it grants us wishes.
Let me steal a second, wish? what wish? I wish I was a human. I wish I could smile. I wish I could grab their hands an say hello.
“Hello? Anybody there?”
Hello me back, please.
Nobody would. I’m an alien. Alienware. Tupperware…..
But hey, look! Who is he? He said hello.
“You should buy an alienware!” He screamed.
I stared at him. Shocked. He was speaking my language. “Where do you come from? Mars? Saturn? Moon? Pluto?”
“Doesn’t matter! Welcome to you-and-me. Our planet. Our happiness.”
I cried. Tears fell from my alien eyes. “I must hide. Aliens aren’t supposed to cry. Turn off the lamp. Close the window. Let’s pretend we’re sleeping. I need a tupperware.”
Then he smiled, wiped my tears, and said…..
“You don’t need tupperware. I’ll keep you safe instead.”
I’ll never fall in love again. Never. Ever.
My therapist said I was okay. Just a teeny tiny bit of depression and a common anxiety.
“A relaxation therapy would do. Just do this whenever you feel anxious…tee hee”
I was like…oh yeah, then I paid IDR 60.000 for the therapy. Result? Negative. First, I can barely see any difference in the invincible sadness that stays deep down inside. It’s still there. Second, I don’t get any advice about my social anxiety. Yes, I did feel so much relaxed, I almost fell asleep right on that very comfy couch. But..but..how can I apply these methods in real life?
When she said it was a method to touch my inner soul and talk to my inner self about how capable I really was to deal with this anxiety, I was like “Yeh, yeh, you’re probably right.”
I confirmed the test result two times already, she stayed firm with her answer:“You’re okay, you’re alright. 4 times therapy and everything will be just fine.” Well, she forgot to bring me the test result. She said she left it somewhere in the head office. “Come again next week, yeh?”
Well, then… at first my inner sounds screamed:
But since she promised to offer me free services for the next 3 sessions, I guess I’ll just be patient and try harder in the next sessions. Maybe the problem lies on me, not her, well I dislike the therapist in the first place. It shouldn’t be! She isn’t that bad after all. She said next week I should bring my flash disk to copy all her relaxation sounds. Nice!
One step closer to full recovery!!